Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
