peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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