I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
