I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
