How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
