So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
