if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's the barista slut.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
