ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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