we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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