Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
