you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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