You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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