I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
