He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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