So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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