So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
