just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
