I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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