i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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