so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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