I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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