This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
