We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
