I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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