Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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