Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
