I'm gonna have a badass scar
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
