I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
