Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
