I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize