with your own penis?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
