I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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