Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
