So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
