Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
