I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
