We're facebook friends in real life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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