She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
