Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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