dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I cannot find my penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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