think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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