Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
