dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
