DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
