pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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