she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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