my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
