ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
