Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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