I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
