We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
