I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We are all done wearing pants today
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
