I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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