shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
