how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
