i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
