Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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