Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
