"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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