Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
