I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
