it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
