There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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