My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize