I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
