Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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