i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
